Written by Ali Nussbaum, MHHSA, MLS(ASCP)CM, caPM, ASCLS Board of Directors
Are you a BUT-er?
Do you even know if you are or not?
We live in a BUT culture. So, there is a good chance you are or someone you know is a BUT-er.
BUT-ing is when you say something positive, add a BUT and then drop some hard criticism.
“She is a great laboratorian BUT she lacks leadership skills.”
“He is a nice guy BUT never listens to me when I talk.”
This language, although common, is highly damaging. The criticism will negate all the good the first half of the statement is supposed to portray. Yes, you are good/nice BUT … ruins that sentiment. People who receive feedback in the form of a BUT statement feel like they were criticized and will not remember the positives associated with the feedback.
Obviously, someone providing feedback in the form of a BUT statement is not meaning to solely criticize. The thought is to add a compliment to the sentiment in order to soften the blow of the negative feedback. However, in experience, this is not how the feedback is received.
Recognizing that this is how you speak or give feedback means it is time to change! Don’t be the downer who ruins good moments with negatives by adding a BUT in your sentence.
Instead add an AND. AND is complimentary and leads to positive suggestions as far as areas for growth.
“She is a great laboratorian AND will become a stronger leader with time.”
“He is a nice guy AND with practice will become a great listener.”
AND forces you to rephrase your thoughts to avoid the criticism. AND becomes a learning tool, a positive comment, with space to improve. AND is what leaders use to evoke a culture of growth, learning, and improvement.
It is time to drop the BUT… BUT nothing!